I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Randomize
