I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
