Sry I called you an 8
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
