Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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