i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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