god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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