i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
