I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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