Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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