my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
