So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
