His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Come on in and take your pants off
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
