You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
