Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
