dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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