She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She bit a glass in half.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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