I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think your dad took our porno
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
