Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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