NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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