hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
