You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
