first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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