if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
