oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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