3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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