We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
