My boss' voice literally gives me gas
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
