The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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