my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
