We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
