why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
