is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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