its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize