I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
im holly from the hills drunk
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
