I got chris browned last night
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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