I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
