conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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