Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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