Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
