you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Come on in and take your pants off
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
