Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Everclear isn't food dammit
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
