maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
