just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
