I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he thought i was a dude.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
