when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm way too hungover for life right now
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
