There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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