when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Randomize
