My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
