I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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