My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
