she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
