So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
