His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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