I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
