never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Randomize
