...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
