i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
