oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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