I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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