I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize