nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
