He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
