I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
