Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
