Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
