The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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