I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
